The Hangover
by MadSpacePotatoe
Summary: This is cross over with Terry Pratchet's Unseen Academicals. Percy has a hangover so how can he believe that a man with a pointy hat with the word "wizzard" on it and a box with hundreds of little legs exist? Short one shot, flame all u want, i dont care


**Not Again!**

Rincwind was not having a good day, which is exactly why it was like every other day. He'd lost his sock, on schedule, and the Luggage was acting strange. Not really strange, but less like luggage and more like Luggage.

"Luggage!" shouted Rincewind. It turned to look at him. It said nothing.

"Ok, I'm sorry I shouted but... what the hell are you doing?" It said nothing. Rincewind was not happy about the new ventilation system in his room in the UU ( Unseen University ), which consisted of a Luggage sized hole in the wall leading out into the corridor. The Luggage gestured. There were many meanings for the Luggage's gestures, for example, twist, jump, jump means "Shit", but this gesture ( nod, nod, rear on hind legs) meant "Follow me ye damn panzy!"

"I am not a panzy!" complained Rincewind. The Luggage said nothing.

"Well... maybe a little..." The Luggage said nothing, only louder.

"Okay okay I get it" The Luggage grinned, although how a chest of brass and wood can grin, we will never know.

"Follow me ye damn panzy!" It gestured.

"Alright, I'm coming!" and he ran after it. For a chest it made pretty good time. For a human, Rincewind made pretty good time as well so it was all even. Rincewind was a professional coward and was experienced at running. Mostly running away, though. The Luggage skidded around a corner and halted, all of a sudden, right next to a wall. Rincewind crashed into it from behind.

"Oof! What?" It was gesturing to a mark on the wall. It was three symbols. "ChB" he read, aloud.

"Go on" gestured the Luggage. Rincewind backed away.

"Oh no. There's no way I'm going on another adventure! I'm staying right here where I belong!" The Luggage went up behind him. "What are you-?" the Luggage barged into him and his back thudded against the symbol.

"Oh shit" There was a flash of light, and they were gone.

**Wtf is "Discworld?"**

"Argh" groaned Percy. He'd had far too much to drink last night. Drinking was ok, hangovers weren't. He was making his way through the forest to Zeus' Fist to sit down and try to get rid of his headache. It was difficult to walk through a forest when you're hung-over. There are twice as many trees, and by the time he reached the Fist he had an even worse headache. His mind was exploding. It was saying;

"SHIT MAN WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? I'M JUST GLAD YOU WEREN'T NEAR ANY GIRLS OR CHAOS WOULD'VE ENSUED!" This was strange, because his mind knew a word that he didn't.

"What's ensued mean?" he said to himself.

"It's sorta like... 'happened'."

"So chaos would've happened?"

"Yeah"

"What kind of chaos?"

"Seriously kid, you don't want to know" this was even weirder because now his mind was calling him 'kid'. Just when he was about to ask himself who he thought he was a quiet tapping noise reverberated through the clearing. It sounded like hundreds of little feet, all tapping at once, which is exactly what it was.

"Huh?" said his mind.

"Look I think it's about time for you to shut up" thought Percy.

"That would be a bad idea" Shit, he's right, thought Percy.

"I know right?" said his mind. Damn. How was he loosing an argument with his mind?

"Because I am generally just more awesome than you"

"But you're me so technically, we're both more awesome than each other... man my brain hurts..."

"Ah, but I'm the part of you that does the thinking. I am, as it were, your brains." Percy sighed. Then he saw it. The Thing. It ran through the clearing with amazing speed. It looked like one of those treasure chests you see in those cheesy pirate movies except... it was running on hundreds of little legs. "O...kay" thought Percy. Then, a man ran through the clearing, following the steps of the box and yelling. He had an English accent.

"You bastard! You bloody- oh" Percy was staring at him wild-eyed. He noticed that the man was wearing red robes and a pointy hat with the word, "Wizzard" written on it. "Hi" he said sheepishly.

"Who are you?" asked Percy.

"Me?"

"Well, uh... yeah"

"I'm not quite sure at the moment. Would you mind telling me where I am?"

"This is... America"

"What's America?" there was an embarrassed pause.

"Are you an alien?" It was a stupid question, but it was worth asking.

"An alien? Gods no" thunder rumbled.

"Then what are you?"

"I" he said, "Am a wizard" he said it proudly.

"Oh. You're not escaped from an asylum are you?"

"Where on the Disc did you get that idea?" He said "Disc" thought Percy. Something's up. "Is this Klatch? Or Quirm?"

"What're they?" Then a realization dawned on both of them.

"What planet are you from?" They both asked at the same time.

"This is Earth" said Percy.

"Ah. I'm from Discworld"

"Where's that?"

"A long way away" after a moment's consideration he added: "Probably" Then Percy thought, "Am I dreaming?" he asked his mind.

"No, the hangover is definitely real."

"Right. Is he?"

"Yes"

"What is he?"

"He is a professor of the UU ( Unseen University ) for Wizards. His name is Rincewind."

"Ok... how the hell did you know that?"

"I'm awesome."

"You're ego, 100%"

"And proud"

"OK"

"OK"

"Hi" said Percy.

"Hi" said Rincewind. There was another embarrassed pause.

"What was that thing?"

"What thing?" Percy gestured at the footprints.

"Oh, that thing. That is my Luggage" he paused "Well, I say mine. He's really his, but he follows me around."

"Why were you chasing him?"

"Because he's the one who brought me here" I can't believe I'm doing this, thought Percy.

"I can" said his mind.

"Shut up"

"No"

"Well I'd better go" said Rincewind. "Got to catch my Luggage." And he ran off, into the forest.

"Right, back to camp, kid" said his mind

"Stop calling me that!" he thought

"No way, kid" Percy got up. Rincewind appeared again. He lifted up a rock and found a plate of peanut butter sandwiches underneath. He grabbed them, stuffed them in his mouth, and ran off again. "Now that's just plain weird" said Percy's mind.

"Should we follow them?" thought Percy.

"Nah. Just go back to camp"

"**Call him the Luggage"**

Percy arrived back outside his cabin door. He reached for the door handle, not noticing the large hole underneath. The door opened with a click and he stepped inside. He looked forward. He stepped outside. He turned around. He looked inside again. It was definitely real. There, in the middle of the floor, was the Thing, the chest. It was eating one of the bunks. Percy was surprised how no-one had been woken up by the loud crunching.

"Uh... hi" said Percy. He waved at the Thing. It looked at him, half a bunk in it's mouth. It said nothing. It continued eating. There were footsteps outside and Percy opened the door again. It was Rincewind. "I found your box" he said. Rincewind looked inside.

"Ah" he said. The Thing walked over and spat out the bunk.

"Took you long enough" it gestured.

"Well it was pretty difficult, you running away all the time." said Rincewind.

"Huh?" said Percy.

"I don't care" it gestured.

"Well neither do I"

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" said Pecy.

"No" it gestured. It opened up it's lid and there was a radio inside. A child's voice played;

"I'm bored, can we go home now?" it said. The lid closed, sending the radio to another one of the Luggage's infinite dimensions.

"What is that thing?" asked Percy.

"I call him the Luggage" said Rincewind. He turned to the Luggage. "Well I don't know how to get us home. You're the one who brought us here you useless idiot" The Luggage stepped backwards. It opened it's lid.

"Shit" said Rincewind. "Bye" he said to Percy. The Luggage lunged forward and ate him. There was a flash of light and a thunderclap noise as the air rushed in to fill the empty space.

Percy woke up. He looked around. He got out of bed. He walked up to his door. He turned around. Bits of half-eaten bunk were strewn across the cabin floor.

**THE END**


End file.
